just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
