Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
