What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
