I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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