You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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