I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
