Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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