Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
