All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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