first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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