I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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