Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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