Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
