I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
