i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
