we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
