His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
