Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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