is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
