dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize