yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
