I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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