Define "chronic" masturbator.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and she was petting her beer can
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
