I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
