It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
