I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
