Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
