Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
