East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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