Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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