my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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