I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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