woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
