There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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