Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
