We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
