i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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