let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
now i know why i became what i already was.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
