butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
