Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
