hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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