I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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