No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
