i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
