My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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