dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
