Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
