More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
