Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
