it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
