We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
