She is in my trunk
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
