Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
