That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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