genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize