Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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