I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
