one two three fourrrrnication!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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