Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
