i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
