I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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