before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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