Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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