Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize