you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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