Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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