I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
