Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize