so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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