I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
