I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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