if only i could text you this smell
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
