I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
